Rules of the Universe

I don't know where I got this from - but it is SO true and I thought I'd share

1. You're right - it's not fair
2. You can't always have what you want when you want it
3. You can do anything you want to*
4. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do*

*as long as you accept the consequences

My area of refuge

Gretchen Rubin - author and amazing blogger has a post about creating areas of refuge. Her website is http://www.happiness-project.com/

I have been SO influenced by her thoughts the past few weeks/months. Anyway, the article spoke very deeply to me. As I continue to explore the areas of pain from my childhood, I realize just how badly I need an area of refuge that is NOT food to run to when I'm hurting. I wish that I could say that it is my HP - but that is not the case for right now - but I'm definitely working on that part as well. I still go back to my vision of the "perfect" place to live someday…

• Little cottage that has a stone fireplace


• It is in the woods - with mountains back behind; river flowing by and ocean in front


• There is a fabulous garden - (now in my fantasy, I like to garden LOL)


• It has a wrap-around porch with comfy rockers


• Beautiful hanging baskets of fuchsia, geraniums, etc.


• There are big and little wind chimes (for the upper and lower range)


• The windows ALL have padded window seats - so if it's raining, I can sit, read, lookout and dream. If it's sunny, I can pretend that I'm a cat


• There is a big, comfy couch and armchair in the living room


• There is also a desk and work area in the living room - with screens that I can pull across and hide the mess


• There are built-in bookcases on either side of the fireplace (gas one, that is instant light) - and the fireplace has a wood mantle over it


• The walls are painted with warm colors - reds, yellows (????) whatever color, they enhance the photography and art on the walls


• Wood floors with GOOD oriental area rugs - muted colors, not the garish ones that are new


• There is a fantastic music system - that has speakers throughout the whole cottage


• The kitchen has a little nook - and the benches are hinged with storage areas underneath


• The kitchen has all the great amenities - like an instant hot water faucet. The stove is in the center of the kitchen, so you can talk and cook with people sitting around the center


• In my bedroom there is a big, comfy bed. A wing-backed chair and matching ottoman


• There are windows in three of the four walls for natural light, and great reading light as well. Built in closets and dressers.


• It also has a skylight over the bed - so I can watch the stars and moon at night. There is probably a gas fireplace in there as well :-)


• Bathroom has every little amenity that you can think of - big soaking tub - with windows to look out into the woods; shower; lots of natural light from skylights; and - for the ultimate in hedonistic comfort - a towel warmer :-)


• Guest room - with its own bathroom, sitting area etc. It would be as perfect as the main house. The guest "suite" would have its own entrance from the outside - as well as from the main house.
  

Anyway, that is my little place of refuge - I now need to go back to my real life :-)

Secrets of Adulthood -

These are some of the things that I have learned - HOPEFULLY - in my quest to become a mature adult.

1. Nobody notices the mistakes that I make as much as I do.
2. I can't accomplish anything if I'm full of fear
3. It's not all about me... really, it's NOT!
4. It's OK to ask for help, it does NOT mean that I am weak.
5. I need to remember to be gracious and accepting when people offer to help.
6. Under-react to problems.
7. If I'm quick to take offense, I will always have plenty to be offended about - Back to rule #3
8. Speak kindly and quit being annoyed.
9. Stop complaining and be grateful for what I have, which is a heck of a lot.
10. God loves me because of who God is - not because of anything I did or did not do.

Please add to the list.

Things to aspire to...

Einstein's theory of relativity is very well known...

E=mc2

I love this image of Einstein - he's in his 80's and still riding a bike, and look at the joy on his face! My great dream is to be able to ride a bike again and have that look of joy.

My brothers taught me how to ride a bike - on their blue, one-speed, boys model. Needless to say, I learned quickly, because I didn't like falling off of that thing. They got different bikes, and I got that one as a hand-me-down. It was ok, cause I had a bike.

Then one day Mom and Dad came home from an estate sale with the score of the century (at least in my mind) ... a sleek, black Raleigh touring bike. It was a 3-speed with lights powered by a generator attached to the tire - cool! Some lady had toured Europe with it, and then never rode it again. I was SOOOOOO lucky. It was the top of the line at that time and something that normally we would not have been able to afford.

And the adventures began... My bike was a MAJOR source of freedom to me. I could go places physically, but also in my mind. In the beginning of summer, I would have to walk the bike up Nicollet hill - it was WAAAAAAAAAY too steep to bike up. BUT, the reward was turning around and flying down the hill - AND by the end of the hill, matching the speed of the cars. By the end of the summer, I could ride up the hill (without stopping) and whiz back down again - pretending I was flying.

In my early teens, I would meet up with Joni for a bike ride - or go on bike adventures by myself. My mom and I had a very "rocky" relationship during the teen years (can you say menopause and puberty DON'T mix? lol) Anyway, I could get away from home, and just "be".

I also had many wonderful adventures on my bike with my Dad. In Minneapolis, they close off the parkways on Sundays - providing hours of fun and not having to worry about being hit by a car. Dad and I used to bike around the lakes; over to Minnehaha Falls; long and short jaunts. It was a great time with just dad and me. Most times, we'd stop at the DQ or the A&W for a rest, an ice cream cone or root beer float, and recoup our energy to ride back home.

It's been YEARS since I have been able to ride a bike because of the knee issues. My knees just haven't been able to do that downward motion that bike riding entails. With the surgery coming up in October, the right knee will be replaced and in "theory" after re-hab is done, I should be able to ride a bike again.

Helen's theory is going to be: Ecstasy = Me Cycling Too!

Argh, it's a hard day today

This is what I FEEL!!!!

• I am so discouraged today.
• I hurt so badly that I'm using my cane.
• I'm out of control with food.
• I feel like a loser.
• I feel like going back to bed and not waking up until next week.
• I feel like calling Coach Michelle and Bonnie and telling them that I QUIT! (working out, not life, I'm not THAT discouraged).
• I feel sad and lonely.
• I feel that this will never get better.
  
  

What do I know?

• I know that tomorrow - or Wednesday or maybe even Thursday, I'll feel better.
• My cane is a "helper" not a symbol of weakness.
• I know that I can reign in the food - it's just choosing to do it.
• I know that I'm not a loser.
• I have to work - so going back to bed and sleeping for a week just won't work.
• Michelle and Bonnie are helping me in the process - and I can't quit them, cause I would be quitting ME
• It's ok to be sad and lonely - and food won't make me feel better.
• It will get better.

Thoughts about Marjorie Bridge Doty

It's getting close to Mother's Day - the one immortalized in the photo on the right was 1964 - I was nine, my mom was 45.

As I think this year about Mother's Day - looking back, the hard stuff about being Marge's daughter passes and even more of the things that made my mom a good mom come to mind.

She was an amazing woman - so full of talent. This note has just a bit more memories to honor her. The other article was written on the three year anniversary of her passing.

1. All my dresses and clothes were made by mom until I was in high school. When I was little, my dolls got new clothes when I did - they were very well dressed dolls :-)
2. As I indicated below, she gave me her love of reading, but even more, her love of words. She had an amazing vocabulary, and USED it. When I would ask her "what does that mean?" Her response? "Look it up!"
3. Mom had beautiful eyes (mine are like hers except green) I loved when she was pretending to be mad at us for something - that her right eyebrow would quiver up and down - letting us know that she really wasn't that mad - but felt that she needed to be.
4. Mom was a great cook - she read cookbooks like they were novels. We had a great variety and learned to enjoy all types of food (might be the start of MY food issues, but that is a whole different post)
5. She gave me a real tea party when I was a little girl - used the GOOD china, hot chocolate and special sandwiches - cucumber/cream cheese with no crusts. Just me, mom and Susie (my doll). I still remember how special that was - I was probably 4 or 5 years old is all.
6. Mom and Dad raised their children to be productive members of society. They taught us to keep our word, work hard and none of us have been arrested or in jail. Not bad.

January 21, 2010

I recently read an article in Oprah and the “take away” lesson for me was: Remind me of what I love. What could be a more splendid prayer of reflection than that?

It has been three years since my mom died. There are days that I don’t think about her at all. There are days that I think of her when I’m putting on her ring or necklace, if I’m wearing red (which was a color that she loved), see the “mini-me” on the cupboard, or something just might pop into my head.
For the past several days not only have I been thinking about mom a lot, but I’ve been dreaming about her and that is causing me to reflect a lot. But the lesson from above “Remind me of what I love” really speaks to me today – especially on this anniversary of her passing. There are so many things that I loved about my mom – here are just a few:

1. She loved my dad, my brothers and me. She showed it in many ways but didn’t necessarily say it out loud.
2. When I was little, I loved when dad was out of town on business. We sometimes had breakfast for dinner, and mom would let me snuggle on dad’s side of the bed. Two comforting things – the warmth of my mom, and the “smell” of my dad that lingered on his pillow.
3. I loved that as I grew older, that sometimes mom would include me in the ritual that mom and dad shared of Constant Comment tea and a Pearson’s thin mint in the evening. She would walk into the TV room with the teacup in her hand and a smile on her face.
4. I loved that mom had a wonderful sense of color and style. Even though she was a larger woman, she always dressed with style and grace.
5. I loved the smell of her lipstick – weird, I know. When mom passed, I found her tube of red lipstick in her purse. I took it home with me. It is sitting on the dresser. Sometimes I open it and just smell it – and get transported back to my childhood
6. To this day, when someone is wearing the perfume my mom wore, it will stop me dead in my tracks.
7. I loved that she ground coffee in the old-fashioned coffee grinder when company was coming. Mom and dad drank instant, but she would do the “real” stuff for progressive dinners and holidays.
8. I love that she gave me her joy of reading – and love of words. I will NEVER be able to thank her for that gift.
9. I loved that she always identified herself on the phone – as if I wouldn’t recognize her voice. How I long to hear the “Hi Mouse” again.

I loved my mom, and I miss her.

Truth AND Consequence - no, it's NOT a fun, new game.

I’m in love with words – I love their definitions and the subtle (sometimes NOT so subtle nuances) that the definitions have. The following are two words that I have been pondering for several weeks…

Truth (trooth)

1. Something factual – the thing that corresponds to fact or reality
2. True statement – a statement that corresponds to fact or reality
3. Obvious fact – something that is clearly true that it hardly needs to be stated

Consequence (con·se·quence)

1. the effect, result, or outcome of something occurring earlier: This is a direct consequence of your negligence.
2. an act or instance of following something as an effect, result, or outcome.
3. the conclusion reached by a line of reasoning; inference.
4. importance or significance: a matter of no consequence.
   

Every decision that you make, every action that you take, every time you DON’T take action or make a decision there are consequences to be had.

I’m trying not to be critical of myself – use shaming words – or speak unkindly, because that is not helpful. I am telling myself the truth – and facing the consequences.

At the ripe old age of 55, the truth is that I am facing my third (yes, you read that correctly) knee replacement surgery in October of this year. There are many truths associated with this:

• I have SFK (Shit for Knees)
• Genetics – my family is riddled with arthritis
• I am more than 150 pounds over what an “ideal” weight should be
• I have continued to live a life that is killing me - literally and figuratively.
• I KNOW what I have needed to do to lose weight and keep it off, I have not DONE the work.

The consequence(s) are:

• major surgery and the risks involved with that
• the work involved with re-hab - (it's HARD)
• Pain - re-hab HURTS
• two really gross scars on one leg - and a brand new on on the other
• Financial issues that will result from having surgery; physical therapy; co-pays, etc.
• being gone from my job for up to 6 weeks
• NO vacation this year - will need to have the time for surgery recovery
• Even though my boss swears this isn't- nor will be an issue - the possibility of job loss.

It gets back to the letter from my dad... wishes won't win, working will! I just wish it was done and over.